In Her Shoes: A Widow's Journey and Perspective of Keep Those Feet Moving
“It changed everything.”
Tricia and Mark met in high school. They dated on and off for a while before Mark took interest in proposing and the two of them got married. As childhood sweethearts, they shared a unique bond and friendship within their marriage, and it didn’t take long before they decided to begin a family. First, they had their son, AJ, who brought them tremendous joy and then they had their daughter, Alyssa, who made their family complete. Adding Mark’s beloved chocolate lab, Doug, over the years the family grew together and shared happy memories of holidays, celebrations and family vacations together often with other close family friends.
In January of 2017, Mark’s mother had fallen ill, and he and Tricia thought it would be best to make the trip from Illinois to California to be with her while she was awaiting the test results. With her mother-in-law on her mind, Tricia prepared the travel plans around the holidays and the kid’s school break. With the help of her sister, Tricia had stayed up late packing and going over everything the night before their departure.
Only a few short months before, Mark’s father had passed away suddenly from a heart attack while in a movie theater. With the sudden passing of his father, Mark was grieved, and the stress had taken a toll on his own health. Fast forward to the week before their trip to see his mother, Mark had been troubled by some chest pains and went to the ER to get checked out. He was prescribed some pain medication and was assured there was nothing wrong. Days passed without any incident, so he decided to focus on the trip at hand. On the night before their departure, Mark told Tricia he was feeling tired and wanted to get to bed early. Later that evening Tricia went to bed herself hoping to get some rest before a busy day. Mark had awoken and turned to her to say “I love you” as he went to use the restroom before coming back to bed. Tricia had told him she loved him as well and the couple went to sleep as they did many nights for many years together.
The next morning was a busy one. Tricia went to get started on the day and noticed that Mark was still tired so she had not found it odd that he slept in a bit longer. Remembering his stressful week at the ER, she knew he needed rest and nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first. However, when more time had passed, she had an unsettling feeling and realized something was not right. Tricia immediately went to check on Mark who was unresponsive. Tricia had called for her sister in the other room to dial 9-11 while she administered CPR to Mark who remained asleep unable to wake. Paramedics arrived. Time seemed warped and the first responders were seeming to take minutes that felt like hours with Mark before putting him in the ambulance. Tricia felt as if Mark might have already been gone at that point. As an ambulance took Mark to the hospital, Tricia was unsure what would happen next. Everything felt like a horrible dream and between the shock, surrealness, and disbelief nothing seemed to make sense for Tricia or her sister.
In the blur of the next several hours, family members had been called and started to arrive at the hospital. Tricia quickly called her kids and by the time they arrived, there was a feeling of confusion, overwhelming shock and a total loss for words as everyone tried to piece together what was happening. No one could bring themselves to the tragic reality that Mark, devoted husband and father of two, was gone.
Remembering Mark
It’s been seven and a half years since Mark passed away almost to the date, Tricia recalls as she goes back to the moment it all happened and how it changed everything. At the time, their son was 18 and daughter only 16 years old. Tricia, now 52 and in her 33rd year of teaching opens up about widowhood and raising children as a single parent. Upon reading AJ Coleman’s book Keep Those Feet Moving: A Widowers 8-step Guide to Coping with Grief and Thriving Against All Odds, Tricia found herself not only resonating with AJ’s story about losing his late wife, Cory but also facing the challenges of raising a child without your spouse.
As the years passed, Tricia found herself learning her new normal of becoming a single parent to her teenagers.Through watching her son, AJ, and daughter, Alyssa, complete high school, college, experience relationships and break-ups along with sports and other activities, she found the moments challenging at times without Mark there to see them all. Taking comfort in knowing that he was watching over their family from Heaven, special milestones like graduations and when her daughter bought her first house brought mixed emotions, and Tricia found that having a support system made the hard days more bearable.
Family, friends and neighbors have been the biggest support through her years since Mark died. With three decades of a teaching career under her belt, Tricia has grown to know her school as a second home and her colleagues at work as family. In addition to teaching her students, Tricia also coaches basketball and volunteers in the community at a local food pantry. Throughout the year, she also gives her time to help other grieving families at a nearby funeral home. When she received AJ Coleman’s book as a gift, she thought that his story might be very specific to widowers, however after reading through his journey and completing the 8-Step Guide for Coping with Grief and Thriving Against All Odds, Tricia knows this book is for anyone who has ever experienced loss and would encourage anyone looking for motivation to read this AJ’s heartfelt story full of wisdom, grace and inspiration.
“You definitely have to Keep Those Feet Moving one day at a time.” ~ Tricia B.
Stay tuned for a follow up Interview with Tricia as she kindly shares the most difficult part of being a widow, some of the challenges of being a widow, and what three things widows need.
Important Dates to Remember:
National Widows Day is May 3rd, 2024
International Widows Day is a global awareness day that takes place annually on the 23rd of June. The day was launched by the United Nations in 2010 to raise awareness of the violation of human rights that widows suffer in many countries following the death of their spouses.
Honoring these days can take many forms. From lighting up social media with stories and statistics, to volunteering or donating to organizations that support widows.
The National Widowers’ Organization and Wings for Widows announce a new collaboration
The National Widowers’ Organization and Wings for Widows are collaborating to bring expanded resources to grieving men.
Both organizations, recognizing there are scant resources available to men seeking support, have joined to help grieving men.
The National Widowers’ Organization, formed in 2009, identified men suffering the loss of loved ones were being left without support. In 2018, Wings for Widows was organized as the first and only organization of its kind in the United States to help widowed individuals deal with financial issues. Both 501(c)3 non-profits provide free services through their internet portals to men seeking help.
