Thanksgiving without Your Loved One and a Pop Culture Look at the Hit 90's TV show Full House

Holidays can be especially triggering for those who have experienced loss. Many claim a feeling of guilt or emptiness when memories are made without their beloved. Some try to focus on creating new traditions, but still might struggle with waves of grief that can come unexpectedly around special days of the year such as Thanksgiving. A time where families come together and share a meal can seem daunting after losing a spouse, child, sibling, friend especially if your loved one had celebrated with you the year before. While there is no one size fits all solution for minimizing the pain and sorrow that exists in our hearts, with the right support, there can be a way to keep moving forward to honor your loved ones and carry on for them.

Sometimes television shows can offer comfort and help us feel connected when we are experiencing loneliness. As the weather gets colder, we find ourselves gathering inside and having more time to binge our favorite shows or watch something new. Ever have a movie or tv show suggestion pop up that seems to meet you right where you’re at? Recently, the 90’s shows have been making a comeback and nothing seems to be cozier than a little nostalgia and a relaxing show. We came across one episode of Full House that really hit home on the topic of loss, bereavement and of course dealing with grief during the holidays. Knowing that this particular episode gave comfort to millions of people when it first aired a couple decades ago, brought a little more hope to the season.

Full House is an American television sitcom created by Jeff Franklin for ABC. The show is about widowed father, Danny Tanner, who enlists his brother-in-law, Jesse Katspolis and childhood best friend Joey Gladstone to help raise his three daughters, eldest D.J., middle child, Stephanie, and youngest, Michelle, in his San Francisco home. It aired from September 22, 1987 to May 23, 1995, broadcasting eight seasons and 192 episodes.

Premise of Full House-

After the death of his wife Pam, sports anchor Danny Tanner recruits his brother-in-law (Pam's younger brother) Jesse, a rock musician, and his best friend since childhood, Joey, who works as a stand-up comedian, to help raise his three young daughters in San Francisco—DJ, Stephanie and Michelle. Over time, the three men, as well as the girls, bond and become closer to one another.

There are many episodes through the show where opportunities to talk about loss and grief present themself. One episode in particular is a Thanksgiving episode in Season One where it is the first Thanksgiving for the two older sisters, DJ and Stephanie (ages 10 and 5 respectively) without their mother. Danny (a widowed news caster played by Bob Saget), their father, tries to make the day special for them even though he is worried about how to prepare the turkey dinner. With the help of his roommate Joey and brother-in-law, Jesse, the three of them decide to make dinner reservations instead. When the eldest daughter is taken back by the idea. Instead, she insists on helping to make the turkey and claims that her mom taught her how to make a “picture perfect pumpkin pie” Danny, Joey and Jesse all agree to try their best attempt at helping the girls have a dinner like the year before. But just as everything is ready on the table, things go south when the turkey is still frozen and grandma can’t make it to visit. Desperate Danny is pleading for a “Thanksgiving miracle” when the doorbell suddenly rings and two woman arrive with a hot turkey ready. Turns out they were at the wrong address, and they leave with the turkey that Danny thought would be the saving grace to keep DJ from feeling disappointed. Attention shifts to the frozen turkey in the oven that has now smoked up the kitchen requiring explanation from Danny to where he tries to take the blame for burning the turkey to spare his daughters feelings. However, DJ is visbibly distraught and to make matters worse, Stephanie then drops the pumpkin pie onto the floor and it seems like nothing can go right. Danny then talks to DJ alone to share his own embarrassment of almost offering to pay $200 to the ladies for their turkey but allows for a fatherly lesson. He explains to DJ that her mother knew Thanksgiving was more than a turkey and how she would have still been proud of DJ because she knew family was important. This is a powerful moment for a tv show to capture the emotions of a daughter losing a mom and the ripple effects of loss on the family especially around the holidays.

Another scene in the episode jumps to the younger sister, Stephanie, and Uncle Jesse where they can both be seen sitting in the room looking at a photo album of Uncle Jesse and his sister as kids. Stephanie asked who the little girl is in the pictures and it dawns on Uncle Jesse that while he grieves the loss of his sister, he has the unique opportunity to comfort his niece through his memories growing up with her mom. He explains that the little girl is her mother and tells a funny story of how they used to play together. This brings happiness to 5 year old Stephanie who then offers to help her older sister to re-make the ruined pie and enjoy their Thanksgiving anyway. The sisters leave the room is a better mood and when you think the episode might leave it at that, there is another unexpected scene that really hit home for many who have experienced loss.

As the family turns to head downstairs into the kitchen, Uncle Jesse can be seen holding back tears and fighting to not be overtaken with emotion. He becomes agitated when Danny senses his discomfort and tries to talk about it. A few times he keeps saying he’s fine, just hungry and then escalates to saying he doesn’t want to talk about it. Danny can relate to the pain but comes to a realization that the loss of his wife, Pam, affects Jesse differently because of their relationship as brother and sister. Danny goes on to say something profound about how Jesse had more thanksgivings with her than he did and he has compassion for him. After a few moments of denial, Jesse finally gives in to his sadness and cries to Danny “why does it still hurt so much?!” The brothers-in-law share a powerful moment together by talking to each other about thier grief and accepting that their journey will be a process. The impact of their conversation as men opening up and being vulnerable is what changed the show from being simple “tv” to being real, raw and something millions of viewers could imagine themselves in. The episode was deep and heartfelt and instead of Jesse hiding his feelings to be “tough” he showed courage and even told Danny stories about the pictures in his photo album of Pam when she was young to bring healing to Danny as well. In short, there could not have been a more beautiful way for the two of them to navigate their loss together during the holiday and to be selfless enough to also consider the girls through their own heartache. While the turkey may have been burnt to a crisp and the pumpkin pie smashed on the floor, important conversations were had, and they changed the energy in the home and the family strengthened their bond together through their grief. In the end, they focused on having each other for support and loving their family dynamic that had changed so much after a devastating loss.

While Full House is a G-rated show, many episodes came with hard topics and lessons that seemed “wise beyond years” for young audiences. Because of the premise being about a widower raising his three girls with the help of his brother-in-law and long-time friend turned roommate, there was a sense of humanity that brought viewers down to earth without all the Hollywood glam. Nowadays as we fast forward in our time machine from the 1990’s to 2023, another hit tv show that demonstrates the effect of loss, This Is Us, is the multigenerational story about coping through the loss of a father who died tragically in a house fire leaving behind a wife and three children. While this show isn’t G-rated, it resonated with viewers of all ages as well because of how universal grief and loss are. In today’s pop culture, more people might connect online than through tv shows by sharing their own personal stories on popular social media platforms and in private Facebook groups or in-person support groups. However, we find ways to connect, know that having a support system whether family, friends, or new friends from the grief community it is always important to have support and a place where you can share your grief journey and know you are not alone.

Always Keep Those Feet Moving and remember…

We can’t control what happens, but we can control how we choose to deal with what happens.

Wishing you a very warm and comforting holiday from us!